Nothing like a little uncertainty to launch us on a roller coaster of emotions. One moment we’re feeling great and the next, we glimpse a headline, receive an email, or get a call that casts a barrage of self-doubt and throws us down in despair and we doubt everything we knew (and feel).
This roller coaster is real (and normal) when you are charting the unknown. It’s particularly challenging if you are a person who is used to being in control and always having the answer. It can lead to some pretty intense lows. So what can you do?
Critical thoughts and self doubt are natural parts of personal growth. But not all thoughts are true or need the intensity of attention we give them. We can’t stop thoughts from arising but we have some say in what to hold on to and what to let go. In that way, the roller coaster has fewer lows and a bit more of an even feel.
Here are some strategies to consider
1.) Label your thoughtsThere’s a spectrum of reactions to thoughts – on one end, we ignore them and on the other, feel consumed by them.
But unaddressed thoughts bounce around in the brain in a blur and cause disruption. People may seek numbing behaviors to escape.
But being consumed by thoughts is distracting and makes it difficult to see situations clearly and function. |
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When you can put your thoughts into words by labeling them or writing them down by saying, “I feel…” or “I made a mistake”, they stop racing by and you can you can take a moment to look at them.
2. ) What (if anything) is objectively true about this thought?
Take the emotion out of the thought – it’s not a “good” or “bad” thought – it’s just a thought. Sometimes thoughts are based in reality. Maybe you did make a mistake or perhaps there is a danger to be alerted to. But often times, the emotion behind the thought inflates its impression in the mind. It can be helpful to break down reality.
3.) What is this thought trying to tell me?
Thoughts float in and out of our minds and some stick more than others. Sometimes a thought is trying to trying to tell you something – maybe identifying a potential danger, helping you improve, spurring you to action. If you can understand its purpose, it can feel more comfortable to hold the thought, with a bit less space.
4.) How much value and energy do I want to give this thought right now?
As you sort through the thoughts, it can be helpful to decide what to prioritize – because they can not all be addressed at the same time. What do I want to honor and give attention to right now? What can wait for later? What are thoughts that can actually be solved with my attention and energy and what cannot?
An example…
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Thought:
“This will never end.”
What if anything is objectively true:
“Yes, this virus will be around. But we will not stay home forever. We will go back to our lives. We will develop immunity. We will develop solutions. And our healthcare systems are developing capacity”
What is this thought trying to tell me:
“I’m scared. I miss my friends…my family…my freedom.”
How much value and energy do I want to give this thought:
“I can’t change what’s happening. It’s ok to feel anger, frustration, and sadness but it won’t make the next moment better or time move faster. This thought causes me pain and it’s not objectively true. I will file it away. Next time this thought comes up, I’ll recognize it and say ‘Hello old friend. I miss our life too and I so appreciate it, but time will move on. Let’s focus on what we can do instead of what we can’t'”
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It’s important to know that unpacking thoughts and emotions can be tricky because they’re often rooted in even deeper aspects of self. That is one of the many (many) valuable parts of talking with a counselor. They are an objective sounding board to help make sense of the thoughts that float around which to honor and which to release back into the wild.
Stay nourished friends!
