Food rules: Friend or foe?

Meal plans are the top request in a dietitian's office - "just tell me what I can eat." It’s no secret that diet programs impose rules on your life - what you can eat, what you can’t eat, where you can eat, and when. While rules seem great, they have pretty serious drawbacks. Why? 

How do rules help?

The most common reason people see a dietitian is to get a meal plan. There is a belief (or hope) that if someone tells us what to eat and when, it will be "easy to be good." But rarely (if ever) do people actually follow a meal plan for more than a few days (or hours). And there's almost always guilt for "failing" (despite the fact that most meal plans provide insufficient calories and cannot predict individual variations of what brings people happiness and joy). But limits and structure make most feel good. Why?? Maybe because we are conflicted and disconnected about what we "should" eat vs what we want that food decisions feel impossible.

​Years of dieting, restriction, and food rules damage our connection to self. We are taught to fear and avoid hunger signals. It's preached, "if it's good, it can't be good for you" (all lies). One day a food is glorified, another it's demonized. After years, it can hurt (sometimes break) our ability to listen to and trust ourselves. Food rules, diets, and meal plans can also be comforting because the objective structure takes personal needs out of the picture.

"Fun Fact" - I've never had a patient blame ME when they don't follow a calorie restricted meal plan. The patient always blame themselves for lack of "self control" and "will power" but that is SO not true! Restrictive meal plans are designed to fail - no body is designed to starve. (click for more)

What's the problem?

I heard a guest on Christy Harrison's Food Psych podcast use this analogy - it's not an original thought by me. I'm just detailing it a bit more. I can't remember who it was exactly, but that's all the more reason to listen to the podcast!

Meal plans are a bit like a cast for an injury. When you put a cast on a broken bone, it provides structure and safety so the injury can heal. However, casts also make the muscles weak from not being used. The longer the cast it on, the more time it takes to re-strengthen the muscle.

​Usually, when a cast is removed, you receive a brace and gradually strengthen the muscle with specific exercises until the muscle is strong enough to do its job alone. You absolutely could jump back into life without the brace or exercises, but it will likely make recovery longer (and potentially really hurt you). Sometimes an injury is so severe that a brace is necessary for a long time or in certain circumstances.

Applying it to food

Most people are out of practice with their internal cues. They need a few exercises and some gentle structure to be back to 100%. But many others are pretty broken and need extensive rehab. ​

​When you begin to heal your relationship with food, it’s not realistic to “just eat normal” (what IS normal?!). Instead, you gradually peel off the rules that cast you and slowly re-train your mind, body, and soul to connect. You may decide that some structure is helpful along the way - so long it doesn't get in the way of living.

​Meal plans that deprive people of energy, nutrients, and joy are like putting on a cast made of porcelain - they look pretty but break the first time you take a step. If you're really broken underneath, it either 1.) seriously injures you and/or 2.) makes you terrified to move for fear of breaking the little support you have. 

Meal plans and guidelines that provide sufficient energy and room for joy provide more stability and safety while giving you some freedom to move. However they also limit what you can and cannot do in life. Just like a cast, the same structure that keeps you safe, weakens the body’s ability to do work itself - such as recognizing hunger, fullness, and enjoyment.

The goal is NOT to stay in the cast but to strengthen the body underneath. The longer you’ve been casting your experience with food, the more time it takes to re-connect with your body. That is why the exercises are the most important part of recovery.

Just like recovery from an injury, it takes time and practice. But many don't have the patience to do exercises as prescribed. Many rush the process and try to go back to "normal" before they're ready (which only results in frustration and re-injury). ​

There are different types of hunger or desires that can manifest as hunger for food. These may or may not need food to be satisfied. Examples include

• connection to others (eg, our heritage / culture, family, friends, community) 
• safety
• distraction
• stress relief / relaxation
• energy​

​Rules around food make it hard to identify and decode these signals. Because if you want something "off program" your thought is about how terrible it is to break the rules, instead of a reflection on how to honor your needs.

For example, perhaps you have an intense desire to eat bread, but your rules say bread is not allowed. So you anguish about whether or not to eat the bread and beat yourself up for desiring the bread at all.

But it could be that your body needs the energy from the starch...or you want to connect to your childhood memories of eating bread at dinner...or the starch provides a calming effect for your brain.

​NONE of these are wrong reasons to eat bread. But the point is that if the processing stops after "can't have bread" you never really understand the origin of the hunger and how to best satisfy your needs. ​​

Therapy is also aggravating. Sometimes the exercises seem tiny and "too easy" so we skip them. But like an injury, there are many tiny muscles that support major muscles to get the job done.

​And just like physical therapy, it can be painful. But a good therapist knows how to push you (but not break you) based on how your body responds.

Not every injury needs a cast...

​​I know meal plans are what "sell" in nutrition - it's one of the few "products" dietitians feel like they have to sell. But prescribing a meal plan because someone asks for it is like giving a perfectly healthy person a cast because they believe they are too tired to walk by themselves. Sure a cast will support the person, but it will ultimately weaken the person over time, making walking more and more challenging. Movement (though painful) helps the healing process.  

It's important to assess the person thoroughly to understand the support they need (not just what they ask for) (for more about assessments, check out this previous post). Clients often ask me for a meal plan and many beg for structure, but often this is because they aren't aware of (or fear) the other options. 

The moral of the story...

If you’re looking to remove the cast that binds you, consider taking stock of the rules you’ve used to keep you safe. Which bind you the most? Which are based in fact vs fiction? Can any rules be shifted to be a little looser?

Like removing a cast, it may be helpful to give yourself support along the way. You may start with rules, that gradually turn into principles...then guidelines...then perhaps just thoughts. It takes time to gain personal strength. And just like recovery from an injury, the timeline is different for everyone.

​Breaking free of the rules that bind you is not easy. Dietitians certified in Intuitive Eating or Eating Disorders are like physical therapists after an injury. They can help assess the situation, recommend helpful structures, and practice exercises to strengthen your relationship to food. ​ 

Stay nourished friends!