When competition turns ugly

Competitions at heart, are supposed to be fun. They foster a little pressure to motivate us to do more and push ourselves. The encouragement from others and exhilaration of progress feels like a snowball - intensifying with each turn. But as time moves on, there’s a risk the stress can go too far.

​At the onset, a competition (or any goal really) creates a bit of healthy stress. It helps you engage, focus, and move forward. However as the days/weeks/months roll on, so does the time commitment, expectations, and stress level. It is not physically, mentally, or emotionally healthy to continuously do more...and more. Time and energy are limited resources that must be shared among all areas of life to avoid physical injury and/or emotional burnout.

If we’re not careful, internal and peer pressure can increase to a point where people need a way to alleviate the stress. People become tempted to take one of three roads - work harder (sacrificing other areas of life), quit, or cut corners. Emotions and defenses heighten as tensions mount. If it sounds familiar and you feel yourself straying from the mission (whatever your goal), consider the following.

Recognize your own accomplishments. Have you ever felt great about what you did only to feel inadequate relative to someone else? Avoid the comparison trap. We are all at a different point of our journeys - whatever the goal. When you look at your accomplishments, the actions of others do not validate or invalidate your hard work.  Instead look at yourself relative to where you were last week - were you able to maintain effort? Did you fit in a little more? Or more importantly, perhaps you deserve some credit for doing what you did during a really tough week! ​

Focus on YOUR values. At the end of the day, there’s a personal reason you took on this challenge and chances are, it wasn’t to be in first place (and if a podium spot is the only acceptable outcome, please remember that only one person can win...and it won't be you every time). 

if the numbers are causing you stress, please take a moment to consider what matters most to you. Numbers don’t tell the whole story and they have little to do with your value as a friend / colleague / human. Chances are you logged some steps toward your goal today - give yourself credit for what you did do and consider what makes most sense for your life instead of beating yourself up for what didn't happen. Sometimes success is showing up when it’s hard. ​

It counts (even if it’s not counted). Sometimes if our metrics don't meet expectations or aren't given much attention by others, we’re tempted to make excuses or find ways to make that number something that we want it to be...or something that's "worthy."

Slow down and remember that numbers and metrics don't validate the outcome. The proof of your effort is the work itself. End of story. ​

Example in Action

My husband did a small Olympic distance triathlon a few weeks ago. It was a race he almost bailed on because training didn't go as planned and work took up a lot of mental space. He decided the day before he'd go and we went to cheer. He ended up cruising in at 3rd overall. With triathletes, you never know if the finish matches the expectation or mood but when I asked him how the race was, he exclaimed, "great!"  I was curious how he defined a great race, so I asked. His reply had nothing to do with his place, his power on the bike, or the speed of his run. He said his measure of success was that it felt good and he felt strong. And most importantly, that he showed up and just had fun. ​

Long story short, please remember your number is not your worth. Challenging yourself is about finding your perfect balance point of time, energy,and healthy stress

Stay nourished friends!